Our Sadomasochistic Bond

To think of this contrast between my pleasure and his discomfort is one of the sweetest things in the galaxy. It makes me feel whole and fulfilled again, and brings back all the wonder of existence that was wiped out by the grey adult world.

Most people will never grasp the elemental purity of these experiences. Impoverished souls they will merely recoil in horror when the real horror is their own narrow imaginations.

Tugged by an intangible leash my heart bids me to offer possibilities like eating animal food, ritualistically outside of a scene. The higher Alexandra goes the lower I seem to need to crawl.

The funny thing is he finds this (and being turned on by it) much more embarrassing than other ideas. I told him he obviously doesn’t need to feel any real shame, but it is fun to find a chink in his armour. I mean, this is the guy who doesn’t feel the slightest bit humiliated by drinking piss or licking muddy boot soles for Christ’s sake ;)

Yeah, I’m appalled by my own suggestion. Where would the magic be if I weren’t?

And like any gallant lover I’m rewarded by the happiness I can give her. In what may seem like weakness to the ignorant all I want to offer her is power.

But happily I can say that I am just learning to accept it, let it be, and enjoy it as much as I can. Now when Richard tells me I’m an amazing top I can really conceive of it and believe it. This will make it more rewarding for us both, I’m sure.

I’m very rewarded by Alexandra, my very sensual sadist.